Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
