Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
