Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
