I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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