i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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