I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
