she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
