if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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