i permit you to call me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We are all done wearing pants today