Nicole vs. Life
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.