Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.