im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting