I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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