so let's talk penis.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
