Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
