im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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