Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I am morally bankrupt
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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