Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize