I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize