do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
