i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
