While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
