If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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