he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
