Ambien. No doubt about it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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