so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
