omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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