Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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