I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
