He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
