I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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