we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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