Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
