I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
