She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
