I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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