Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
