I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
