someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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