i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
