Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
