Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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