dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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