Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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