i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
