On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
