I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
