Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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