so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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