He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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