im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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