Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize