After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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