I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
