Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
