I got chris browned last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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