How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
