The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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