I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
