My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
