whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
