I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
